Thursday, 09 April 2009

• My Problems with Raising Children

  I’ve maintained a conviction (more from myself than the Spirit perhaps) that I should never reproduce and instead adopt and push others to do so due to the large amounts of unloved orphans in the world. This of course is under the assumption that I one day desire to raise children (I do not yet have such a desire). I feel the duty of the church worldwide, and now to a greater degree in the United States, is still to pick up the children left outside of the city gates who are left to be consumed by the world and the beasts that roam it. I realize it is a complicated issue, but more than that I realize G-d is able to provide the means for us adopt every child in the world who is left for dead or suffering.

  Someone in my life has recently told me about the great desire to have a kid someday. For their future spouse, having kids is a deal breaker. That’s a fair stance. Our conversation got me thinking about how I feel about raising kids and if I could ever be with someone who wanted to produce children. Here are some things that are easy to say for me.
  

  1. Bearing children is not wrong, no matter my conviction for a leaning towards adoption. In fact, having children is an amazing thing because…
  2. All children are blessings from Hashem.
  3. To have a child of my own would be cool. It’d be half me, and that’s nifty.
  4. I’m afraid of having a child of my own because I’ve always felt I’d have a child who is greatly disabled or has some disease that causes them to never function like the average person. My heart could handle it. I could probably raise that child but it still scares me.

  At age 24, and having been single the entire time I have followed Jesus, and having no great longing for romance, it is hard for me to see myself raising a child. Honestly, I see kids and I see poop, snot, loud noises, sleepless nights, poverty, rebellious teenagers, gray hair, stress, no more freedom, and a lot of possibilities for bad news concerning the wife. I mean, she could die giving birth, she could have severe post-partum depression, get physically injured, or never lose the weight (maybe that’s shallow but hey, it’s a concern)
  

  I can honestly say there is a lot of fear in me when it comes to this issue. Don’t get me wrong, having a mini-me/someone else to draw on and make goofy noises with and to lead under the light of the Word of Hashem would be amazing. Those are fun thoughts. I’m just not sure I can justify it by saying “My own kid would be cool.” I’m removed from the decision to have children and so my approach is easily cold. My question today is: If I got married, and she wanted to have her own child, could I possibly say yes?

  It is easy to say no. I like being committed to my stances. I don’t like to sway. If there is reason for swaying, then I will. When it comes to this situation, I’m not sure I can say I would bear my own kid. I just can’t justify it. The next question becomes “would I ever be willing to raise children?”

  As a member of the church, I help raise all the children in my community. My brother’s and sister’s children are my responsibility. So yes, I would, will and try to raise children, but that doesn’t mean I will be the dominant parent who raises a child. So a better question might be “Do I want to raise children someday?” To this I have only one answer right now.
  

  I don’t know.

  • 12:35 AM
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